I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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