i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
soo... how was my night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
