i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
