There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
