I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
