Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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