don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
