Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
