Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
