just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
