so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
