I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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