I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Barsexuality is the new black.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
