i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
