sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
