garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
