The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i think i have two assholes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
