So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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