he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
