Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
