I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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