The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
