If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
