Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize