he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
