Where is the hickey?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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