I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
50% drunk capacity currently
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
