smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
