Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize