Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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