He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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