"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
