Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
