I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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