Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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