we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
