dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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