Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
