omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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