I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
