I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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