It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
