you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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