babies were throwing up all over the place
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
