My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
