I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
