im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
