His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
