mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
