I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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