I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
