He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
