Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
