so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
