If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
