I smell stomach acid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
