We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
