a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize