Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize