I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize