Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
