I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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