I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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