I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize