My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
